August 3, 2004

I was reading an article in Christianity Today about John Eldredge entitled, “Wildheart” this past week and I found a quote that really stood out to me by John’s friend Craig McConnell. He said, “So much of what is asked of the church – life, vitality, engagement, bearing one another’s burdens – can only happen, it seems to me, in small groups. Living with these people is a whole lot harder than being in a large church, because they see my blemishes and I see theirs.” McConnell also states, “In a sermon before 2,000 people, I can appear to be vulnerable and real. But what does my wife say? What do my kids say? The quality of character and life in pastors is often unknown and just assumed.”
This last part really jumped out at me, a former youth pastor for 10 + years. How true this has been in my own life and unfortunately in the lives of many of my pastor friends. It is really easy to hide behind a “position” in the church staff. You may ask, “What is it that you were hiding?” Well, I didn’t feel at the time like I was hiding anything. However, the more that I explore the true freedom I have in Christ; I am beginning to see that I was hiding my real self most of all. How many of us church staffers have a hard time being ourselves (being real) because we are too worried about pleasing people? The Sr. Pastor, the board or committee, even the congregation. It could be a number of people whom we allow to assume the throne only God should occupy in our lives and ministries.
If we are real with others, it will mean that they have ammunition to use against us. It is a risk that we have to take if the Church is going to survive. Two observations that I have made over time is: (1) many pastors do not honestly feel like they can trust the people they are ministering to enough to be themselves. I know several pastors who have admitted this to me personally. I don’t know why we are shocked to hear that pastors (and other staffers) feel this way when you consider what Dr. Billy Graham said years ago. He stated that he believed as many as 80% of all church members were not truly in a real relationship with Christ. That would explain at least some of the junk that we see in churches today. I would rather meet a non-Christian person who is not religious than one who is religious. Religion is killing Christianity…..and again we should not be shocked since Religion killed Christ as well!
The second observation is: (2) if a pastor doesn’t have anyone in whom he confides and is sharing an authentic relationship, he will destroy himself, his family and the work God has called him to do. Many pastors I have known (including myself) do not want to share all their feelings with their spouses because they (we) are trying to protect them in some way from the harmful things that are typically said about church leaders. It is easy to understand this issue, because I can take someone degrading me much better than I can take someone degrading my spouse. The spouse of a pastor is no different. So to whom does the pastor go...other frustrated pastors who are usually of no real help because they are stuck in the same trap as well. Oh we can moan and groan to one another and get some venting out of the way, but as far as getting real help, it is usually not found in our frustrated fellow-laborers.
There can be real problems with the self-sufficient pastor who states that he doesn’t need anyone in whom to confide and share his weaknesses. You see pastors and other church leaders are the “professional” spiritual people and they would rather share with others from their strengths….but Christ (as strong as he was spiritually) chose to become weak and by doing so we were offered redemption! I pray that no one takes this the wrong way; I am one who struggled for most of my years on a church staff with this same issue. I am not condemning anyone. However, I am saying that enough is enough with our egos and pride as pastors. I know of a pastor who left his family of over 20 years and ran off with a church employee mainly because he refused to be in authentic relationship with other believers. It is funny how that same pastor would probably have argued that we should “forsake not the assembling of ourselves together” (referring to church attendance), yet that is exactly what we do as pastors when we isolate ourselves off from everything and just try to focus on sin management, instead of sin elimination through authentic relationship with Jesus Christ and support from other believers.
I am now at an all time low as far as ministry position and pay goes…..I have neither! But as I am without what I always thought was God’s will for me, I am finding His true will for me is to just be me for Him! He doesn’t want my incredible knowledge or insight. He doesn’t want my giftedness or my money. He wants my heart! And he wants your heart too! Please contact me through http://www.connectionpoint.org/ if you have any comments and you are not a blog member. I am an all time high as far as where I am in my relationship with God and with others around me, and it feels great! “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36